“In December, I graduated from law school and began studying for the bar. From December 22, 2020 through February 21, 2021, I put in about 6-12 hours every day, taking off for Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years Eve, and New Years Day. I had to make this happen, the bar is expensive, prep courses are more expensive, and a JD without a law license is beyond expensive. Law schools spend 3-4 years scaring you into believing that you won’t pass the bar unless you spend thousands on a commercial prep course. I’m a single parent without excess funds lying around so when the time came, I refinanced my house and bought the prep course. Several weeks in, I was overwhelmed and crying in front of the computer on a daily basis. I wasn’t retaining information and I was spending hours every day trying to listen to lectures and realizing I wasn’t even hearing the words. A friend of mine suggested that I reach out to her cousin who was in the business of bar prep so in a desperate, crying moment, I messaged Debbie, not even sure what I was looking for. I certainly didn’t have any money left but I was a mess that day and I think I was hoping for some kind of magic pointer or tip, anything to just talk me off the ledge I felt like I was standing on. What I got was a no-nonsense pep talk from a stranger who ended up offering not a pointer or tip, but a scholarship. I am not big on handouts, there’s a certain amount of pride and stubbornness that come along with single parenting but in about a minute and a half, I decided this wasn’t the time for pride.

Debbie kept saying things about getting in a car and letting someone else drive….this is ridiculously hard for someone who’s always been the driver. She immediately got me started on a method that was entirely different than what I had been doing which, on one hand, was an immense relief and on the other, sent my anxiety through the roof. Studying for the bar is unlike anything I have ever done before. One day, I would get things right and something would make sense and I knew I could do this, the next, I would get almost everything wrong and I knew this was a waste of my time and hers and I would never pass. I spent weeks doing what Debbie said to do and pushing down the urges to study like the commercial course had told me to. I know my anxiety and resistance were frustrating for her on more than one occasion, it was frustrating for me as well. I wasn’t sleeping, I was hardly eating and when I did, it was straight garbage. My skin was a mess, it was a rare day that I took a shower before 7 pm, and crying and panic attacks became a routine part of my life. I lost count of how many times I took a break to ugly cry and then got back to work because I would be damned if I was going to meet with Debbie and not have done what she told me to do. My stress level was higher through this process than I can ever remember but once I started working with Debbie, it at least felt like stress with a purpose. She might think I was a resistant pain in the butt sometimes but I hung on to this lady’s words and advice like my life depended on it until the day I took the bar.

I don’t know if it’s possible to take the bar exam and come out of it feeling confident but I at least finished it feeling like there was a good chance my name was going to show up on that list in a few months. As the weeks went on, that feeling started going away. I worried pretty consistently that I hadn’t passed and one of the things I dreaded was letting Debbie down after being her first scholarshipped student. Last Friday the results came out and my name was on that list and I knew with 100% certainty that it was because I had said to hell with the commercial course and worked with Debbie. To a lot of people out of the legal field, the bar exam is just some test and in fact people will tell you that repeatedly to try and make you feel better or calm down while you’re killing yourself studying or waiting for results. If you’ve gone through law school, it’s not just a test. It’s the thing that stands between you and the payoff for everything you’ve been working towards for years. Hearing it referred to as just as test can be really frustrating and even a little insulting. Seeing my name on that list was one of the coolest, most mind blowing things I’ve gotten to experience so far in my 42 years and the gratitude I feel to Debbie for scholarshipping me through this process isn’t something I can even appropriately express.

Debbie told me that she had a professor once who did this for her and that it was something that changed her life. This was an incredible and invaluable gift and I hope someday I have the opportunity to pay it forward and impact someone else’s journey this much. I know many people who have taken this exam multiple times and having passed on my first attempt, I am convinced that it’s not because I’m so highly intelligent but because I was gifted with the proper guidance.”